I also believe that Seagal is actually getting sued for his Lordly antics. 'Today You Die' has an inconceivable plot, but I will do my best: The Lordage is an ex-thief trying to go straight so he picks up a job as an armored car driver, only he's setup by some criminal mastermind named Max to take the fall for the robbery of the armored car. But somehow or other(its never really explained), the Lord does what the Lord does and ends up with the $20 million that Max was supposed to have stolen. The Lord is captured by the police and sent to prison(with no trial mind you). There he meets his apparently new best friend Ice(former Naughty By Nature rapper Treach in a truly Oscar-caliber performance). Well, the Lord and his new bosom buddy break out of prison. Of course the evil gangsters want the money that the Lord stole from them back. But Seagal can't let that happen. Its not really about the money, but more of a moral principle-type issue for him. Now that is a much more coherent outline of what actually happens in 'Today You Die'. There's actually a whole lot more that I left out: Seagal's girlfriend's psychic visions which mean absolutely nothing to the film, the PMSing female cop who puts him in prison and then becomes his best buddy for no apparent reason once he breaks out, the second bad guy in the film that has nothing to do with the evil Max, and the little girl at the end of the movie who nevers appears or is even mentioned in the entire film but to Seagal apparently has some important connection . This movie makes no sense at all. None. Now, onto the Lordage: he actually looks as if he's slimmed down a bit(maybe dropping from 350 pounds to around 320). His hair is disguistingly nappy and he doesn't even bother ponytailing it; it just hangs limply over his collar in total mullet fashion. There are a couple bright spots here though: #1) there's minimal dubbing of the Lord's voice by someone else(see 'Out Of Reach' or 'Submerged' for some examples of how not to dub someone's voice)and #2) Seagal rocks a totally sweet brown pleather coat for about half the film. With the film's excessive use of stock footage from other direct-to-DVD films, overly obvious use of a stunt double for Seagal(even in situations where no stunts are involved), horrible editing, and a completely nonsensical and confusing plot 'Today You Die' is easily Seagal's laziest film to date. I'd tell you to save your time and skip it, but every other Seagal fan out there like me will go buy 'Today You Die' and watch it anyway. So if you must watch it, there are only three amusing things to look for: Seagal's sweet pleather jacket, the Lord talking Jive to his new black buddy, and Seagal swinging on a chandolier. Hilarious.